How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
