Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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