these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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