Jerry, you need to find god
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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