I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
