I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
