I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
