He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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