Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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