two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
