Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
