5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
