well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
