So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
