We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
50% drunk capacity currently
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
