I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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