guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
