My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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