he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
