I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
That's intense
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
