You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
