question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
where are my eyebrows?
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