I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
