If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
