Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
