What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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