just tell him i said nine months
she smelled like a LAN party
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
