one two three fourrrrnication!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
