somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
