halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
