I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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