I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
