he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
