the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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