Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
