Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
