I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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