I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
