just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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