So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
porn star boner night. come get it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
