A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
