i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
