I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
