I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
