Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I touched a dick in church today
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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