i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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