My nipple is on Facebook.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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