Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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