meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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