I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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