Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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