do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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