'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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