3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
