just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize