that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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