theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
