I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
