omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
