I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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