A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
