I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
