I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
