stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
