i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
