I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
