Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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