Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
