yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
